Does anybody else ever put toilet bowl cleaner in the bowl and then walk away to let it do its thing and forget to come back to scrub?

Let me tell you, I’m so bad at it by the time I remember to go back, there is a new blue ring around the bowl and I kind of feel like I’m starting all over again.

I am sure I will win the Housewife of the Year Award. 

Lately it feels like my schedule’s been so jam-packed that it’s a monumental thing for me to do laundry or iron or drop off the dry cleaning.  I know I will not get the sympathy vote on this from mothers of small children because it only gets more complicated.  Mercy.  It wears me out thinking about it.

I mean, you know it’s bad when a Southern girl – who deeply appreciates the lack of humidity in New England’s atmosphere – just dries her hair and skips the velcro rollers in the morning before work.  But I tell you, it seems a bit pointless when the velcro adds to the extreme winter static and the wind makes me look like I never even tried in the first place.

It’s one thing for me to neglect my home.  It’s a whole different thing for me to neglect my hair.

What has become of me?

Over the past year and a half, God’s been prying my fingers off some things.  Namely, some things that I thought I could control.  Or needed to control.  Or wanted to control.  It started with that whole livin’-in-a-hotel business and kept on going.

There are definitely some things that would make my life a lot easier right now.  But they’re not going to happen. 

How do I know?  Because I threw more than one hissy fit with God about them over the course of the past year and nothing happened. 

And then I realized that they weren’t going to change and probably didn’t need to change.  I did. 

So, that’s when I started loosening my grip.  That’s when I started letting go of my assertions that I just couldn’t keep doing this or I just couldn’t handle the absence of that.  That’s when I started realizing that I was stronger than I thought in certain areas and that some things didn’t matter as much as I thought they did. 

And you know, change has come … to me.  Even my husband said so when we had a very reflective dinner out in NYC at Christmastime. 

I’m a long way off from who Jesus wants me to be.  But, while living up here in the cold, I’ve definitely learned to chill on some things.  

Now, I will not swear off fixing my hair or love my 2 1/2 hour commute.  And someday I will have a dishwasher again. 

But for now, I’m trying to let God shape me in some ways that wouldn’t have been possible if everything was always as I’d pictured it.  Or thought it needed to be.

So if you come over for a visit, you’ll just have to pardon the blue ring in our toilet bowl.